Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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