Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Threesome in a minivan. New low
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
