just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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