Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i love accidental penises.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize