hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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