Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
