maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
