The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
