batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize