She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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