It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize