omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I love you. Go after that dick
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
