That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
