Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
