I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize