Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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