Yo dont text me then not text me
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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