i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
