this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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