Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We are all done wearing pants today
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
