Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
