Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
