I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
