If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
