I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
