you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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