i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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