if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
