I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
