He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
