somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
