Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
