do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
