If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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