I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
