my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
