yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
