I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk is not a location!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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