dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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