I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I can text with my tongue
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
