there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
