Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I forget how to act sober
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
