it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
