Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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