I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've blown a few things in my day
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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