Only a mothe r could love this liver
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
