planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
