i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize