yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
