I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize