Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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