Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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