Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
