So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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