am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
