An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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