Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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