dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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