I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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