you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
