I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize