I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if only i could text you this smell
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
