I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
