I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
