that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
