The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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