No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
