Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
