His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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