Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize